I need to de-stress major. I am so nervous about tonight. I feel like I have to prove I've still got it. I was talking to Maury on the phone last night and he asked what I was up to. I said "Getting ready to put on self tanner." He then gave me the most profound advice I think he's ever given me. He told me to show up as me, not who I think they want me to be. I told him I wanted to look good and he said I looked great exactly the way that I am. Awwwwww, I know right?
Maybe that's just it. Maybe I am still too obsessed with what they all are thinking. I was planning on plastering on the stage makeup, the false eyelashes, and the self tanner, but for what? To prove myself, or so I thought. Why do I feel the need to continually prove something to these people? I honestly think the real issue lies within myself. I'm not good enough for me, not them.
I've had this complex all my life and quite honestly I am ready to get over it. I am sick of trying to please everyone, in what I think is a quest for perfection. The right hair, body, makeup, attitude etc. It's getting so old.
So tonight I'm going as me. Not Miss Perfect Awesome Pageant Girl. If they don't like it....tough.
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