Weed It Out

My anxiety has a mind of it's own. An evil mind, that is. It causes me more strife, confusion and misery than I care to have in one day. I have been perfectly fine, with help from God. This last week has been one of my happiest in a long long time and I owe it all to him. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to finally have the opportunity to achieve my dream of becoming a nurse. Nursing school has been so exhilarating. I love every minute of it.

But yesterday that all came to a screeching halt. I was having a great morning, just finished my work out and met Maury at Panera Bread. Then it hit me like a a ton of bricks. My anxiety over such small, petty and to be perfectly honest ridiculous issues. But for some reason it was killing me. I couldn't breathe, couldn't relax. I had trouble staying focused on everyday things like laundry and taking a shower. I wanted to crawl under the bed and die. I felt numb, scared, nauseated and miserable. I prayed quietly for God to help me. But, it lasted all night.

So today I woke up and decided to get a head start on my day. I finished up a few projects around the house and waited for Maury to finish golf with his dad so we could spend the afternoon together. I went outside to get the mail and as I was walking back up the sidewalk I noticed one of my plants in the flower bed looked like the life had been sucked out of it. But ironically there were big, bright green leaves growing in and all around it. They were weeds. I began pulling and ripping them out, one by one. There was one in particular that was very difficult to pull. It's roots were in so deep I had to dig with my hands to get under them and pull them out. Then it hit me.....My anxieties are like weeds. They grow in and out and around and all the while, they are choking the life out of me. I realized that there are some days I am going to have to get down on my hands and knees and rip them out. Really dig in and get my hands dirty and weed the anxiety out of my life. And the ironic thing is, is that I had never noticed them before (the real weeds I mean.) They looked exactly like the normal leaves on the plant. And this is exactly what the devil does to me. He disguises the bad things as things that look normal to me until the root is in so deep that it will take forever to dig it out.

I am thankful for revelation. I am thankful that God could show me, in a proactive way, how to handle my anxiety. All I need to do is weed it out.