Emma's Anatomy Part I

I am seriously in love with Grey's Anatomy.  I can't get enough of it.  I just started watching the old seasons again to get ready for the premiere this week.  

A lot of people that I work with don't even watch the show.  They don't watch any show medical related.  They say they can't stand to sit at home and watch on TV what they see every day in the hospital.  I don't know how.  I'm not like them.  I guess I am the weird one, because I love it.  

I love all the characters.  My dream would be to have Addison Montgomery's job.  Neonatal Surgeon.  I love love love critical care, especially with neonates.  I love pregnancy, labor, delivery and care of the baby after birth.  I hate that she left to start her own practice in Cali.  And I hate that she's currently having an affair with her pregnant patient's husband.  

I love how smart Meredith Grey is.  She is like really book smart.  Like that straight A student everyone hated in school because you know you would never have a higher GPA than her.  And her mother was a surgical god.  Aside from all of her family/father/evil mother/abandonment issues she's amazing.  And she has a hot neurosurgeon boyfriend to boot.  Everyone hates her, but I love her.  

I can't find any words to describe my love for Yang.  She's cut throat, vicious, on top of her game amazing. She's got that kid of fire that makes me want to make a difference in life.  She is passionate and loves what she does.  She rocks my world.  

George has compassion. He works really well with people and he makes people feel comfortable.  He's like the sweet little baby surgeon.  He's so cute and cuddly, which unfortunately makes it difficult for others to take him seriously.  I love his sense of humor and his clumsiness.  He's so scatterbrained.  He makes me laugh.  I hate the he dies, I hate it.  He is such an intricate part of the team.  I will miss him. Maybe he'll come back Denny style in a dream or something.  

Izzie is involved.  She just is way too involved.  She reminds me a lot of myself.  I would be the type of person to feel sorry for a patient and pay for their surgery.  But that can't happen in the real world.  But, I love her story.  Grew up in a trailer park, modeled sexy lingerie to pay off student loans. Basically put herself through medical school.  I love it, and I love her.  

Alex is an ass.  Plain and simple.  I feel for him though.  His whole daddy beat up mommy issue and such.  I can understand why he is the way he is, even though I don't think they're should be any excuse for being an ass.  Plus he's hot. 

Nutella

Life is really annoying sometimes.  I am exhausted.  This weekend was supposed to help me catch up now I feel even more behind.  

Friday afternoon, I got a call to do a farewell video for a local outstanding teen here in my hometown.  They had asked someone previously to do the video and it didn't turn out so well, so they were frantically looking for someone to re-do it. That's where I came in.  Normally I would have said no, but I am in desperate need of extra cash and I didn't have very much homework.  So I said yes.  I went home that evening and started on it and ended up staying awake until 4am.  I woke up the next day and spent another hour or so finishing up.  It ended up really great, and I am proud of the work.  I am hoping the word will spread and I will be asked to do more of them.  

Which leads me to my next issue of life.  Exhaustion.  Nursing school is getting hard.  I am in school 4 days a week and working at the hospital in the evenings three of those 4 days.  It's draining.  My charge nurse told me last night to take a break...scale back to a few less days, but I just can't.  I will have NO MONEY.  My parents can't help me anymore and I refuse to ask them because I don't want the financial trouble to hang over me for the next 2 years.  

I called in this afternoon to work and my boss was less than thrilled.  I was so pissed off and so upset at the same time.  I hate the feeling of not being able to do it all and help, but I can't do it anymore.  I can't run run run and not expect the consequences.  I will FAIL nursing school if my schedule continues like this.  I may just have to suck it up and work on Friday even though I HATE the thought of that.  I hardly ever get to see Maury and that's when I usually go down or he comes up.  

So the stress is killing me and to top it all off, I need to catch up in school and I have a test tomorrow.  I know I will make it though.  I have to press on and push through.  

Until tomorrow, I will sit and eat my favorite non-pageant friendly snack.  Nutella.  It's a delicious chocolate-hazelnut spread.  And yes, I eat it straight out of the jar with a spoon.  It's soooo yummy.  Just me, my nutella and school tonight.  

Weed It Out

My anxiety has a mind of it's own. An evil mind, that is. It causes me more strife, confusion and misery than I care to have in one day. I have been perfectly fine, with help from God. This last week has been one of my happiest in a long long time and I owe it all to him. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to finally have the opportunity to achieve my dream of becoming a nurse. Nursing school has been so exhilarating. I love every minute of it.

But yesterday that all came to a screeching halt. I was having a great morning, just finished my work out and met Maury at Panera Bread. Then it hit me like a a ton of bricks. My anxiety over such small, petty and to be perfectly honest ridiculous issues. But for some reason it was killing me. I couldn't breathe, couldn't relax. I had trouble staying focused on everyday things like laundry and taking a shower. I wanted to crawl under the bed and die. I felt numb, scared, nauseated and miserable. I prayed quietly for God to help me. But, it lasted all night.

So today I woke up and decided to get a head start on my day. I finished up a few projects around the house and waited for Maury to finish golf with his dad so we could spend the afternoon together. I went outside to get the mail and as I was walking back up the sidewalk I noticed one of my plants in the flower bed looked like the life had been sucked out of it. But ironically there were big, bright green leaves growing in and all around it. They were weeds. I began pulling and ripping them out, one by one. There was one in particular that was very difficult to pull. It's roots were in so deep I had to dig with my hands to get under them and pull them out. Then it hit me.....My anxieties are like weeds. They grow in and out and around and all the while, they are choking the life out of me. I realized that there are some days I am going to have to get down on my hands and knees and rip them out. Really dig in and get my hands dirty and weed the anxiety out of my life. And the ironic thing is, is that I had never noticed them before (the real weeds I mean.) They looked exactly like the normal leaves on the plant. And this is exactly what the devil does to me. He disguises the bad things as things that look normal to me until the root is in so deep that it will take forever to dig it out.

I am thankful for revelation. I am thankful that God could show me, in a proactive way, how to handle my anxiety. All I need to do is weed it out.

New Recipe :)

I also wanted to share this new recipe I've discovered.  It didn't really belong in the first post and it's sooooo good, I decided it deserves its own :) 

I call it "Poor Man Macaroni"

1/2 lb. lean ground beef.  

1 1/2 cups of whole wheat macaroni.

1 can  Campbell's Healthy Request Cream of Mushroom soup.

approx. 2 cups shredded Cabot 75% reduced fat sharp cheddar cheese. 

1 can of french fried onion rings

Pre-heat over to 350 degrees

Cook meat and drain

Cook noodles and drain

Set aside 1/2 cup cheese for later

Mix meat, noodles, cheese and soup in large mixing bowl

Transfer to baking dish

Sprinkle remaining cheese and french fried onion on top

Bake for 10-15 minutes or until bubbly and onions are golden brown and crunchy

Enjoy! 

Who Would Have Thought?

Yesterday was a good day!  I took my first nursing exam.  I was only one point away from passing.  Yep, just one point.  I know you are probably saying... "She got a 69%?" No, I got a 75.  See in nursing school a passing grade is a 76.  

I was actually very pleased with my results.  I did way better than I thought I would.  But, I do have a few gripes.... 

This story starts a long way back... probably about 2 months or so ago.  I floated (at work) to another floor and was talking to a few of the aides.  We were discussing nursing school and one of them was telling me how she was starting the same program that I was on the alternate list for, in the fall.  She then proceeded to tell me how she had gotten her pervious associate's degree in Liberal Arts and wasn't interested really in the sciences.  I was a little shocked and thought to myself..."How did she get in with a LA degree and I didn't, but I have a Pre-Nursing degree?"  So I asked her what her GPA was and she said "3.0" Aha! Mine was only a 2.6.  So I get it.  They let her in over me because of GPA.  

This made me really mad.  I was like  "SERIOUSLY?! They are going to let some girl in with no background in science whatsoever, besides Bio? "Of course she has a 3.0!  How hard are humanities classes?" 

Fast Forward to yesterday.  This same girl is sitting one chair over from me during the test.  I have become some what of friends with her and another girl, Anna.  Ironic huh?  So we take the test, and afterwards we are allowed to do a "walkthrough."  The walkthrough is designed for us to look over the test questions and correct answers to see how we did.  It also provides the rationale for each question.  So I asked her how she did and she said " I missed 20."  20 questions.  Wrong.  On a 44 question exam.  She them exclaimed, "I'll never be able to make this up.  I think I'll have to drop out." 

See this is the kind of situation that bugs the heck out of me.  Here she is,  a Liberal Arts major and after the first test, is already going to give up.  That spot could have gone to someone like me.  Someone who worked their butt off to take the really hard sciences, and tried desperately to raise their less than stellar GPA.  It just goes to show you that some things in life are flawed.  Just like this application/admission process.  

I am so thankful that God allowed me a spot.  I am so thankful to be a apart of this program and I'm not complaining, I just feel like fairness really plays no part.  There is way too much emphasis placed on strict academics.  But, oh well.  At least I am here, and I know I WILL NOT GIVE UP.  I will finish this programs if it kills me.  

I told her not to give up.  To press on and make it through.  I hope she does, for the sake of all the other "me's" out there.