Every morning when I wake up, I pray for God to grant me graciousness. I want to be the person that everyone likes to be around. Someone who genuinely cares for people and is always thankful and above all graceful.
I know I can be loud and probably obnoxious at times. I can even be needy and I often don't know when to shut my mouth, which can get me in trouble. I am passionate about life and that can turn into drama. It's because I want so much out of this life and what it has to offer. I don't want to waste one second of my time on the petty and insignificant things.
There are two girls in my clinical group, who I thought were my friends. They went to visit another unit last week and weren't shy about telling everyone how horrible and boring it was. There was a comment made about me that "I would have loved being there because all they did was sit on their asses all day." This comment maybe wouldn't have hurt so bad if she hadn't said it to my face, twice. I was a little caught of guard and asked her why she thought I "sat on my ass all day," and she said well when we were in interventional rotation together, every time I came into the room, you were sitting down. I told her that I would let her in on little secret.... I have had scoliosis since I was in the sixth grade and cannot stand for longer than 30 minutes-an hour. It hurts my back very badly. Needless to say she didn't believe me and called me a liar and the other girl said that "everyone has some curve in their spine...."
So today was our last day of clinical and we all brought food and goodies for the nurses to snack on. I was the one who volunteered to pick everything up and I ended up paying the most money, because I like to do nice and thoughtful things for people. I was sitting at the table and she whips out her camera and starts taking pictures of me, while I am talking to another student and I hear her say, "Let's take a picture of what Emma does all day!"
My point is, I don't get mean girls. I could never say things like that to a person and if I have and knew I hurt their feelings it would devastate me. How are people so mean? You never know someone's situation or story and yet you judge them. She will never know what it is I have to go through because of my circumstances. Being told at a very young age, I would never get to take dance again and that if I didn't continue painful chiropractor adjustments, I would have to have a rod placed in my back. She'll never know that on top of being in school I work up to 16 hours every single day preparing for my state pageant and I have a job on the side to boot. And she calls me lazy and says I sit on my ass all day long.
I don't want this post to be a whoa is me post, but I needed to express my feelings here. I feel like I do so much and yet people are still negative and judgmental towards me. I shouldn't expect thanks and praise, I know and I don't, but it would be nice if someone could try to understand. I certainly know that I would.
I can only hope and pray that I am never like this. That God will grant me the wisdom to know better and to never, ever make someone feel the way those two girls made me feel.
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