Ready

So tonight I tried something a little out there. I made a brownie recipe that consisted mainly of black beans. Yep, that's right, beans. And it's pretty good. I mean it's no Betty Crocker, but they're pretty decent. I am trying really hard here. I am trying so hard to look unbelievable at my state pageant this year, and if that means eating brownies made of black beans then so be it.

I want to be Miss State so badly, I can taste it. I was 1st runner up 2 years in a row. I thought I knew what it was to "want it." But I don't really think I did. Around 2 weeks before the pageant I would kind of freak out and say, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't win. I would be okay. I wasn't ready. But I am now. I know it. I feel it in my bones.

It's amazing how different you think things will be. How they'll turn out. I was sure 6 months ago that I was done with pageants and ready to marry Maury. But, now that's not the case. I still want to marry Maury, just not yet. I want to be Miss State. I want him to finish school, as well as me. I want to finish school too. God knew exactly who I needed when he placed Maury in front of me. He knew I would need someone that didn't want to get married right away. He knew I needed time. That's why no other relationship I've ever had worked out. The ones that were decent anyway. They were ready to settle, to get married, but God knew I wasn't. He has a few other things before that phase of my life. He knew I'd need to try this one more time and Maury is the perfect person to walk through life with me. I am so thankful for the opportunity to try again and for Maury.

Now I am ready.