There She Is...

I literally just walked out of the live telecast of Miss America and I can honestly say I am pleased with the results. My home state girl didn't win, but she represented us so well, and I am so proud of her.

The top 10 talent this year was the best I can remember it being in a long time. It was fun to watch in anticipation of what would come next. Don't get me wrong, there have always been a select few outstanding talents in the 10, but this year it seemed like the majority were fabulous. The evening gowns were stunning and the swim suits fierce. I must say, that it was a really great year.

As I sat in my seat minutes before it was to begin, I felt a million and one emotions creep into my being. I was flooded with nerves and anxiety. It was so overwhelming, I almost cried. I couldn't really understand why. Why was I so emotional and I'm not even competing? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's still the dream. At that moment, more than ever I realized that I could be on that stage in a year. I want that more than anything. I want that shot, that crown, that job.

We found an amazing talent gown while we were there. It was so incredible that I got teary eyed when I put it on. Sure, some will mock me and and say, silly girl who cries when she puts on dresses, but only few who are like me understand. It's like when an Olympic runner laces up his shoes for the first time, or when a new surgeon puts on his first pair of sterile gloves. It's a dream, no matter how big or small. And it's my dream.

Ready

So tonight I tried something a little out there. I made a brownie recipe that consisted mainly of black beans. Yep, that's right, beans. And it's pretty good. I mean it's no Betty Crocker, but they're pretty decent. I am trying really hard here. I am trying so hard to look unbelievable at my state pageant this year, and if that means eating brownies made of black beans then so be it.

I want to be Miss State so badly, I can taste it. I was 1st runner up 2 years in a row. I thought I knew what it was to "want it." But I don't really think I did. Around 2 weeks before the pageant I would kind of freak out and say, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't win. I would be okay. I wasn't ready. But I am now. I know it. I feel it in my bones.

It's amazing how different you think things will be. How they'll turn out. I was sure 6 months ago that I was done with pageants and ready to marry Maury. But, now that's not the case. I still want to marry Maury, just not yet. I want to be Miss State. I want him to finish school, as well as me. I want to finish school too. God knew exactly who I needed when he placed Maury in front of me. He knew I would need someone that didn't want to get married right away. He knew I needed time. That's why no other relationship I've ever had worked out. The ones that were decent anyway. They were ready to settle, to get married, but God knew I wasn't. He has a few other things before that phase of my life. He knew I'd need to try this one more time and Maury is the perfect person to walk through life with me. I am so thankful for the opportunity to try again and for Maury.

Now I am ready.

For the Love of Realization.

My mother always says that "Satan attacks you the most when you are smack dab in the middle of the will of God." This to me is a huge relief and at the same time and extreme burden.

Little golden white lies is what I like to call his whispers. The Bible teaches us that he can come in all shapes, colors and sizes, but his favorite of all is to disguise himself as an angel of the light. (2 corinthians) I find this to be the most annoying and confusing thing of all. I feel like, at times, it is so hard to hear the voice of God in my madness of life, no wonder the devil enjoys complicating the process by trying to drown out God with his lies. These are times when he is the most successful. You think you are hearing the voice of God and you follow it to only find yourself in the wilderness, blinded and barely breathing later on down the road. He beats you up, he brings you and the good works you are doing down.

This happens to me a lot. That is why I am so thankful to have good counsel. My parents for one, Maury second and good friends like Kate. They bring you back to that still small voice that is there only if you choose to listen. It is a whisper of peace, hope, love and acceptance. It's grace. Satan can whisper too, don't you worry. It's what follows is the most important. If it's anxiety, stress, or fear, its WRONG. Don't listen. I read once in a devotional by Joyce Meyer that said, "If you feel pressed to make a decision off the cuff, at that very second, it's wrong." Peace should follow. God is peace.

Maury once asked me "How exactly do you know if you are hearing the voice of God and not the devil?" I think this is ultimately the struggle of life. It's the push and pull between the greater good and evil. It's where people get lost in the shuffle, where we find out who can take it and who can't. I want us all to be able to look the devil straight in the dace and take a hike. I know that's what I am going to do.

Protein Bars, Pageants and Level 2.

The protein bars I made were a huge success! The second batch that is :) Everything was going really well with the first batch until I got to the sea salt part. I forgot to buy sea salt at the store so I went a searchin for some in my house. I came across an older bottle that I had gotten as a part of a dirty santa gift last year at Maury's family Christmas. So I break open the seal and begin to grind the salt into my batter. Then all the sudden the lid breaks loose and the entire jar of salt goes into the batter. I was so upset. I frantically tried to extract all the excess and thought that I got it all until I baked them. They were so salty and awful, I wanted to cry. So I pitched that batch and made a new one the next day. I must say, these are much better and I have even had two friends from school ask for the recipe!

I've been eating a lot of the protein bars lately because I won a local pageant last weekend! I am so excited to make the trip back to state, I can't even stand it! It's going to be hard, but I know I can do it. I am so ready.

This week was also the beginning of level 2. It's really really hard. Fluids and Electrolytes especially. I have just felt like a zombie, walking all over campus. Basically like a little pin ball in the machine of life. Just bouncing around hoping to score some points somewhere and not get lost. It promises to smooth out, but I don't know. Between this, my two jobs, Maury, the pageant, family and time for myself I'm going to be exhausted. But I know the plans the Lord has for me. I know, without a shadow of a doubt I am in the perfect place right now.

Time For a Non-Food Related Post.

The "Real World" is what I will call my "mindless" entertainment. We already know this of course, seeing as how I have already blogged about this specific show in the past. Funny, how I call it my "mindless" entertainment and it often leaves me with a mess to sort through and think about. This leads me to my next thought...

This season is set in Washington D.C. I was awake the other night and couldn't sleep and had the privilege to view the first episode. It begins with a girl named Ashley. A self-proclaimed Christian from the get go. She believes that "When no one else has been there for her, Christ has" and views religion as a huge part of her life. We will jump now to Ty, whom I will call agnostic, not a term used by him, but me. He believes that there may be a force of some sort out there, but doesn't really know where he fits in it all and if there is a God.

We will jump ahead to a dinner scene in which Ashley and Ty begin a heated conversation about religion. This I find healthy. I think it is important for people to dialogue about their differences, otherwise, how else will we learn about others? They continue their conversation outside and she then asks him to not deny God in front of her. She feels that if he denies God, that it is her responsibility to speak up and say something.

Next we jump back to the house and Mike is seen speaking with Ty about religion. He hopes to learn more about the other roommates and their religions as well. He is hoping to be tolerant of Ty's views. The camera then cuts to Ashley listening outside the door. She then barges in the room and begins to act like she just walked in on a random conversation. She sits and listens. Then Mike gets up to leave and she begins to address the previous situation with Ty. She then asks him to never mention religion to her again and says that she sees "this" which to my understanding means "he and her" never working out and gets up to leave muttering under her breath how there are seven others in the house to get to know.

How can someone proclaim Jesus with every breath deny the very reason he came to save this world? I find her disgusting and disrespectful. Jesus Christ is ultimately who we are to model our lives after right? I find it hard to believe that Christ would have said those words to Ty, or to someone like him. He would have sat, listened and given words of wisdom. He would have prayed for him maybe. Definitely wouldn't have said, "Look dude, I don't ever see this going anywhere, so please, don't talk to me about my father again. I mean there are others in this world anyway."

I think the reason I can't stand her is because I used to be like her. If others didn't agree with my point of view, there really wasn't a purpose for getting to know them, so I didn't. I wrote them off, ignored them. I think Christ hates what I did, worse than the people who don't know what they believe in.

Thank you God, for changing me.

Clean Eating Power Protein Bars.

Mmmmmmm....these look scrumptious!!!

I have never really been a fan of commercial protein bars and the ones I have found that I like have about a million calories in them, so it really defeats the purpose. I'm also the type of person to eat them until I get sick and then never crave them again.

These on the other hand look great and they have pretty reasonable stats. Only 290 calories and 15 g of protein. Plus, I will have no fear of the processed food that's often lurking in mass produced protein bars.

I'm making them tomorrow, of course they require a trip to Whole Foods as I am positive I'm not finding the ingredients at my neighborhood Wal-Mart.

Here's the recipe:

1 c. whey or soy protein powder

1/2 c. quinoa flour - can also substitute amaranth, millet, spelt, or kamut

2 c. rolled oats - not instant

1.2 c. oat bran

1/2 c. coarsely chopped flax seed

1/2 c. wheat germ

1 tsp. sea salt

1 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1/2 c. Agave Nectar or organic honey

1 c. dark chocolate, broken into pieces

1/2-2 c. yogurt cheese or soy yogurt cheese - there is a recipe for this in the book, I am hoping I can buy this...

1/4 c. avocado, canola or healthy oil of your choice.

2 tsp extra virgin olive oil

1 tsp best quality vanilla

Organic cooking spray

Preheat oven to 350, coat a 9x13 baking pan with cooking spray

In large bowl combine protein powder, flour, oats, oat bran, flax seed, wheat germ, sea salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, agave nectar or honey. Stir in broken chocolate pieces.

In another bowl, mix yogurt cheese, oils and vanilla, mix well. Add mixture to dry ingredients. Using your bare hands to mix works best. Coating hands in olive oils also helps to prevent sticking.

Place mixture in prepared pan and press down, evening out the top. Bake on the middle rack in the oven for about 15 min. Remove from heat and cut the bars. Place bars on a cookie sheet and bake again for another 15 min. Remove and place on wire rack to cool. Place in airtight container and refrigerate. Makes anywhere from 20-24 bars depending on how you cut them.

I am really excited about this one!!

So It Begins...

Today is the day folks.... I am starting my quest for healthy food perfection. It was really hard to choose my first venture, I wanted something impressive, but I also don't want to burn it.

So I chose, what I believe to be a perfect first choice recipe.

Roast Stuffed Pork Tenderloin

It's a beautiful, lean pork tenderloin stuffed with a mixture of broccoli, oat bran, walnuts, bread crumbs and apricots. The picture looks amazing and I can't wait to cook it this evening. I almost feel like a fraud because I had to leave out the oat bran. My local Target didn't have any. That's one thing I hate about super store chains. They never have the healthy stuff. I am also substituting dried apricots for fresh as Target did not have these either.

I'm under a lot of pressure tonight, seeing as how I am cooking for my biggest food critic, Maury. He's a very picky eater. I am confident he will love it though. We shall see :)

Here is the recipe:

1/2 c. cooked broccoli

1/4 c. finely chopped parsley

1/2 c. bread-crumbs

1/4 c. fine oat bran

1/3 c. chopped walnuts

1/3 c. chopped apricots

2 Tbsp. water or low sodium chicken stock

2 Pork tenderloins - I chose 1 large one

1 Tbsp. black peppercorns, coarsely chopped

1 tsp. dried sage

1 tsp. dried rosemary

1 tsp dried thyme

Sea Salt

Preheat oven to 350

In medium bowl combine broccoli, bread-crumbs, oat bran, walnuts, parsley, apricots and water/chicken stock. Mix well, set aside.

Place tenderloin on cutting board and butterfly it, cutting almost all the way through but not quite. Flatten the tenderloin a little using a cleaver or meat hammer. Spoon the stuffing inside.

Fold one side over and secure with toothpicks - TRICK: soak the toothpicks in water beforehand to avoid burning.- Sprinkle with dried herbs, peppercorns and sea salt.

Bake in baking dish for 25-40 minutes or until meat thermometer reads 160. Remove meat and cover with foil and let stand for 5 min.

Enjoy!

RESULTS:

So the pork was okay. I am little disappointed. I expected this savory, delicious meal and it was just mediocre. The stuffing was a little too sweet for my taste, compliments of the apricots I am sure. Pork is really hard to cook, I think. It's all about temperature and timing. Maury didn't have a meat thermometer, so it was really difficult to tell if the meat was done or not. I will probably revamp the stuffing. When I think of stuffing, I want something hearty. This was too much vegetable and not enough stuff, you know what I mean?

I paired it with some Uncle Ben's 90 minute Whole Grain Medley rice and a tossed Ceasar Salad. Those were yummy :)

All in all I am pretty disappointed in my first recipe. Oh well, on to the next.