So Long, Farewell.

I feel sad when I end a good book. It's like losing a friend. You spend many nights together, days by the pool and afternoons on the couch. Sometimes it even tags along on long days when you have small breaks to spend in the car because you can't go all the way home and then get back out.

I just finished reading "Jack and Jackie." A fabulous read that I found buried in the back corner of a clearance table at Half Price Books. It was three dollars, and quite frankly the best three dollars I have ever spent. In all actuality, now that I am thinking back, Maury bought it for me, but whatever.

I don't think one could understand my love affair with the Kennedy's. I am obsessed with them. If I could have lunch with anyone in the entire world it would be Jackie. I almost wish I would have lived back then just to be able to hear her speak.

Their lives were haunted by infidelity and scandal, but they never once showed their emotions on the outside. They were loved by many and envied by all I am certain. I was amazed at his work ethic. His body was ravaged by Addison's disease, but you would never know it talking to him. He never once complained of his illness and always had a carefree attitude. Jackie was a spitfire. She was someone who, when you had a conversation with her, you felt as though you were the only person in the room. She displayed grace, confidence and poise effortlessly. I want to be just like her.

They remind me a lot of Maury and I, minus the hideous infidelity. He was so laid back and she was uptight and conservative, hated politics but fit right in when it came down to it. He was smart, handsome and ambitious. He knew what he wanted out of life and knew exactly how to get it.

I was such a fabulous book, I could read it over and over again. I wonder what my next read will be....

Facebook or Fakebook?

My thoughts on Christian life are confirmed daily on facebook.

I wonder, if Jesus had a facebook, what would it look like? Would there be a daily parable or bible verse? Probably not a verse because the majority of the Bible was written after he was long gone. Would it be full of insightful Jesusisms? Would he take prayer requests to take to the father? Who would he be friends with? what would his interests be? Would his profile be public or private?

These are things I think about everyday when I am bombarded with what I like to call "Jesus status updates." people who write bible verses in their status everyday, or who proclaim their love for the Lord and his good works in every available space on their profile. You know, the bible is their favorite book, all they listen too is praise and worship music and their home church is the only page they're a fan of.

I am in no way meaning to minimize these things, however I feel like Jesus meant to do so much more in his days on earth. I don't believe in boisterous religion or faith. I feel like it's such a sacred part of life. Yes, I do believe in sharing the faith with others but I don't think every breath you breathe should be laced with your beliefs.

I have found it to be so much more effective to just be myself, the way God made me, around new people. I believe God will present an open door for me to share my faith and beliefs with him or her when the time is right, if it's right at all.

So I pose the question..."Does your facebook reflect the true face of Jesus, or the facade?"

Life Lessons

There are two things I have learned from my experience in pageants.

1. Bitterness
Bitter can be defined as "hard to bear, grievous or hard to accept." I've learned that this is very common ground for beauty queens. Hostile feelings towards the girls who have done well when you haven't or the girls who win and "didn't deserve to."
I was at a popular store, in my home state, shopping for my pageant and was discussing the recent Miss USA events with the salesgirl. She made it very clear that she had a strong dislike for the girl who represented our state this year at the pageant. I came across similar stories on facebook involving status updates and tweets on Twitter. "So glad the RIGHT girl won." and so on. It makes me wonder why? Why is it so hard to be happy for others at our own expense?

I know, because I have been there. So bitter about the outcome of the pageant, that I wasn't able to have a civilized conversation about it. My blood boiled watching Miss America that year and I can honestly say that I was smug about how things went down.

My actions and behavior were so disgraceful.

Bitterness leaves holes in the soul. A hole that I believe only time and prayer can fill. I am thankful for a God who knows my hurts and weaknesses. I am humbled daily by his grace and the fact that I don't even deserve to show my face considering how I acted behind the scenes. Even though everyone else couldn't see it, God could.

2. Complaining
This is something I struggle with daily. Always wondering why we don't get what we want when we want it. I am one who certainly hates to be told "no."

I was sitting through the orientation for my fall semester of nursing school the other day listening to my classmates whine and complain about everything. "why aren't our books available?" "when are we going to get our schedule?" "what if I can't do clinical on Friday?!" "I have two kids and a husband, how am I going to do all this?!"

I wanted to scream, "SHUT UP!"
I feel lucky just to be here. Why do we have to demand things from our teachers from the get go? Where is it going to get you? No where, that's where.

My goal in any situation these days is to first, stay calm. Choose your words wisely and address the situation with grace. My devotion this morning was about the very subject and it states:

Sometimes God withholds a "yes" knowing we need to be prepared to receive His goodness in His time. Other times, when we've been told "no" due to our own bad choices or those of others, God withholds a "yes" to teach us something. Or it's a permanent "no" to protect us. Whichever way, God is always working things together for the good of those who love Him.

I am so grateful for these experiences. Thankful that I was able to learn very valuable lessons about myself and thankful that maybe one day I can teach these lessons to a daughter of my own.

The Struggle

Things have been going really well in my life these days. I am now a level three nursing student (praise God!) and I am well on my way to becoming a nurse. I just finished school on Monday and am already excited about the next semester and all the fun it will bring, but I can't help being sad at the same time.

I have made so many wonderful friends along this journey and I am so thankful for God's blessing, but it's going to end. In two short semesters we will all be pinned and will go our separate ways, and that makes me extremely sad. More sad than I was to graduate high school. I, in fact, was so ready to graduate high school that I didn't even cry! I was elated to move on from my small town life and become someone. But this is so different. I feel like these people are my family. It sounds so incredibly cheesy, but we have laughed and cried together and above all we've struggled together. This I feel is what brings human beings together. The struggle. The ebb and flow of life that can put you on top of a mountain and then bring you to your knees.

I think God intends for it to be this way. There's nothing like having a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on in time of trouble and strife. It's even better to have someone to celebrate with when you've crossed the finish line. You can look at one another and say, "We did it." I've had the same feeling lately with Maury. I was sitting next to him one evening and I thought to myself, "Look at how far we've come."

And that makes me think, it's all about the struggle. Without struggle there would be no lessons learned or bonds formed between people. And I think Christianity is like a struggle. If we were perfect in every way and had nothing to work hard for, what would be the point?

I have definitely struggled a lot in my life lately. School, my relationship, my personal issues and problems. But I can look back on those struggles and say to my self with relief "I did it," and that, I think, God smiles upon.